Dave Cooks the Turkey

"Sure I can do that" is the response Dave gives his wife Morley when he agrees to take care of the turkey dinner for christmas. He has no idea how big of a burden this turkey will turn out to be. Stuart Mclean the author of the Vinyl Cafe stories uses many humor techniques to bring his stories about an average family living in toronto to life. Situations that the listener can relate to will often peak more humor for that individual, and Stuart Mclean is a master of the its funny because its true technique. Many families deal with frustrations as they try and cook the perfect turkey dinner for christmas. In the story "Dave Cooks the Turkey" Mclean uses Dave to ilustrate a hilarious series of events of Dave trying to take care of the task on his own, including forgetting to buy the turkey, having to go to a hotel to have the turkey cooked in time, all while drinking scotch and navigating through encounters with his neighbor Jim and his mother. Another technique he uses is imagery. "Standing in their bedroom staring at each other, incomprehension hanging between them" is a good example of this, as it is easy to picture Morley and Dave standing in disbelief at each other. Many of his jokes utilize this technique and because of how his humor generaly relates to the everyday person it makes it even easier to visualize the settings and situations Mclean describes. His humor is a Canadian classic and is known all around the country.

Certain Events Mark the Beginning of Maturity

There are certain events in a person’s life that when looked back upon reflect a point in which the origins of their maturity begin to be reached. It is normally a large array of events that all in turn contribute to the final result of reaching what we have called maturity. I myself can recall three main events that contributed to where my maturity level is at today.

The first event happened when I was fourteen. Needing money to afford the new ski gear I wanted I realized I was in need of my first job. After working tirelessly to produce the best resume I could muster at such an age, I managed to get an interview at the local Wendy’s. In my opinion that interview marks the beginning of my maturity. Before the interview I made sure I was wearing clean clothes and that they were not baggy enough to be considered socially unacceptable. I practiced running through probable interview questions and answers with my dad, I even went as far as to look up background information on the company. When I went for the interview I focused on being courteous and polite. Darren, the manager that my interview was with, seemed to think the impression I made was adequate enough to deserve a job. Maturity is defined as the state of being fully grown or developed, and I believe that mine and everyone’s first job marks a beginning step in that direction.

The second event occurred as a result of the first event that I mentioned. I had always been somewhat handed things up to that point in my life. Since I was now making my own money my parents thought it was time for me to realize the value of money and how all the little things do indeed add up. It was time for me to open my very own bank account filled with the money I was earning and a debit card just for me. That first month was probably one of the biggest surprises of my life as I realized I had spent four hundred dollars on food and small things alone. This event taught me to manage my money and most important of all not take the small things for granted. I learned to regularly check on my savings as well as keep a mental tab going and even created a system in which I could determine how much money I was able to spend for each week. Now managing school, a job, and my cash flow, I was much more independent. Which, as mentioned before is another step towards being fully grown and developed.

The final main event that I attribute to my maturity level was when I realized what I wanted to do if life, and what I knew I had to do there. I had the epiphany that if I wanted to get into a good university, my grades had to show I was ready. Starting in grade 11 my average went from a 62% up into the 90’s. I can’t really describe it much, besides the fact that I realized I had to start trying if I wanted to get to where I wanted. Using my past experience it was quite easy to set goals and make sure I reached them. My teachers were impressed on my new found work ethics and amazed at the results they were yielding. Overall I think there are many different events that contribute to a person’s maturity. They are different for everyone, but they all include settings goals and learning to be more independent.

College Application

Dear College,

I feel your question is much too broad; for every single moment of my life has been a significant experience or accomplishment. When I was a mere child freshly spat from the womb, I learned to add, subtract and even multiply using a combination of my hands and toes. I learned to communicate my results using a complex string of burps that was similar to Morse code. As a toddler I was once faced with the challenge of creating a staircase to reach the highest counter to attain a very valuable item. After building a magnanimous staircase that even the worlds best architects would acclaim I reached not the cookie jar but my mothers car keys. By the age of 5 I was participating in street races and winning not in the lowered done out vehicles you see most kids driving but in my mother's mini van. Yes my driving skills were soon recognized by Nascar and at age ten I was drafted to drive the Presidents Choice car. Before you ask yes I have met the president and he is a very nice man. After realizing how bored I was with racing I left at age ten and a half. At that point I was too smart for any school; having read more books than the average library has to offer I decided to try my luck at teaching. As you can imagine a ten, almost eleven year old trying to find work at some of the worlds top university's is a challenge. After finally being granted the privelage for a small interview I immediatly was offered a position at Harvard. I have taught everything from law to quantum physics and have been continually [incomplete]

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A car door slammed shut breaking the long silence that had been loitering in the street. Standing outside was a man of intimidating height and size. He wore an immense hat that he had tilted to the side casting a menacing shadow over one side of his face. The side of his face that wasn't concealed in shadow was stern, with huge bags under his eyes and an immense protruding nose. He held a cigarette to his dry chapped lips and inhaled deeply before starting to walk down the alley towards me. As he came closer a grin spread across his face revealing an assemblage of yellow nicotine stained teeth. He walked with an aura full of authority, with his hands at his side you almost would not notice that it were as if he were carrying two car tires reading to swing and plummel at any moment. In the light I noticed the man was donning a swank suit with a firmly tied tie around a hefty neck. As his noticibly polished shoes stopped in front of me; he pulled out of his pocket an envelope and handed it to me. "I'm your new neighbor they delivered your mail to my box by mistake".

The Big Game

In the finals the game becomes a whole new ball game. Everyone understands the name of the game. To win you have to take it one game at a time and realize when the game is worth the candle and when it is not. The team has to remember what got them there because everyone has been there before and they know what it's like. It's a must win situation because if you lose you go home. All they have to do is do what they've been doing all season. They have some nice quality wins under their belt, they just have to treat this like any other game. All they know for sure is that they will be fighting tooth and nail, and that the fans will be up on their feet, getting their moneys worth.

Super Powers

I hate backpacks. In fact for years I have never ever even had the need for a backpack. This is because I have the super power of endless pocket space. Yes it is not super strength or x-ray vision that has blessed me, I have an even better gift. My power allows me to keep anything I could possibly need on me at all times, and all in the practical space provided by pants pockets. I can't even imagine what it's like for other lesser humans. They go home and have all their belongings broadcasted throughout their entire house, they probably don't even know where half of their belongings are located! Me on the other hand, I can go where ever, whenever, however in any type of weather, and still have any article or commodity you could possibly think of at only an arm's reach away. In fact every possession I own is located in my two font pockets. In my mind I think of myself as my own mobile home, as I take everything but my actual house with me when I travel. Sure other super powers may let you stop time and fly, but lets get serious. That's gonna get old. My super power comines practicality as a extra element, which is more than I can say for most of the other powers I've heard of.